我不願讓你一個人

Video

你走後 愛情的遺跡 像是空城
遺落你杯子手套和 笑聲
最後 你只帶走你 脆弱和單純
和我最放不下的人

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Aside

I had a nightmare earlier.

It was about my family.

I’m positively scared of the day it happens.

On a side note, I’m bothered by an overly-concerned colleague.

That dude needs to chill with all the texts.

Reflection!

I had a very interesting catch up with 2 friends from my past. They’ve made me realise how my perspective had changed over the last 10 years.

Coincidentally, both of them found me on facebook (urg social media).

Both of them reminded me of a different me from my childhood/ teenage days.

Friend A: I met her in secondary school. She was a junior that lived near me and we hung out often because of our common interest of sports. She was living with her Dad then and did not have any one take care of her daily meals. Being a senior, I felt compelled to help even though I was only 2 years older …

“I still remember that time you came to my house to cook cabbage and dried shrimp for me to eat. haha.” she texted me.

Wow. Now that she shared it, I totally remember trying to cook up a storm at her place with my horrible cooking skills. I wanted to make sure that she was able to have some home-cooked food. Friend A is doing pretty well now, studying and travelling. Something I’ll never imagine her doing and I’m really happy for her.

Friend B: I met her in primary school. She was only in my class for a year and had to transfer to another class due to her falling grades. I had fun doing athletics with her because she was a really good runner and had a very kind outlook. We went to the same secondary school but she dropped out in the third or forth year because she got pregnant. Her beautiful child is 10 years old now.

“.. I’m selling XX Canadian coffee now.. do you mind to give a little support?”

Whoa. That was the start of an awkward exchange of messages. Yes. I did give a little support in the end but I totally didn’t feel comfortable. But knowing she’s trying very hard to support her child and making a living, I just helped. It just felt different.

Both ‘reunions’ made me recall that I used to be a courageous individual that would go all out to help a friend in need. It seems like after leaving school, I haven’t exactly opened my heart to any friend fully. I question my friends’ moves most of the time. I might have portrayed myself a neutral party in most situations, choosing to sit out of conflicts.

I just realised I haven’t lived as what my teenage self would want me to. I wondered. Is that really what growing up means?

Reflect!

Reflect!

Instead Of Looking For Love, Look For The Right Person To Fall In Love With

Thought Catalog

You learn a lot about dating from watching how your parents love. You can learn from their mistakes. After my parents’ divorce, my mother became a serial monogamist, as if she would float away without a guy around. The actual guy seemed almost impersonal somehow — as if his personality and his characteristics didn’t matter, just the fact that he existed. Rather than being single and having to do the hard work of dealing with yourself, it was easier to deal with someone else’s flaws and imperfections. Even if they weren’t right or the love of your life, at least they were there.

Something about that mentality always reminded me of Jane Austen, looking at love as transactional. In the 19th century, having a husband mattered in that you had to have one — and that was the end of the story. There was no real love or romance, just…

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Updating…

New obsession

I’m typing this in the dark. I should be in bed but I thought I should update.

New camera.

I’ve been playing with my new toy for a few weeks.

Nikon FM10. 35-70mm lens. Black & White Fujifilm Neopan 400.

I suck at learning cameras but I think I have a pretty good grasp of capturing pretty angles and subjects’ emotions. Sent my first roll of colour film for processing. Hope it turns out decent.

I’ve been very reliant on my DSLR’s auto-focus and sharp aperture settings.

I hope I’ll do good for the manual SLR too.

Metal teething.

I’m currently deciding on getting braces (ortho) after a long struggle with my protruding upper arch. Compared to other cases of bad teeth, mine seems like a  case of vainpot wanting to fulfill a childhood dream of getting aligned teeth. That’s what I was told by friends recently. Thinking back, I didn’t really wanted braces in my teens. The teeth issues probably surfaced when I started working and having enough money for my material needs. Why should I hold back if I have the financial ability? I’m just a little jittery that the dentist wants to pull out more teeth from me. i probably have less than 30 now! Dentures might be cheaper next time!

Growing Social.

After being in isolation and pretending to be emo for a period of time, I’ve come out of my zombie mode to hang out with friends again.

Had quite a few drinking sessions and caught up with my friends’ lives.

Started being critical of other people.

And becoming really conscious of staying sober when with guys.

Whipping out my Nikon to capture cute moments.

I can safely say I’m on the safe side of drinking.

Though the last session was a little too much on my pocket and some hands were everywhere.

The past still bothers me once in a blue moon but I’m very sure I’m over those days. 2 years and counting. I’m still hiding but not afraid anymore.

Office politics.

My boss had just tendered his resignation. I’m really happy for him. He deserves that major government offer that he has just gotten.

I’m not sure when I’m getting off. Maybe soon. I’ve sort of planned my route. I do want to work overseas in the coming year. It might be a little tough when the braces are fixed.

I’m feeling rather happy these days. 🙂

Tribute to my iPod Touch

Goodbye!

 

You came to me one day when Alex decided to get an iPhone.

And we’ve not looked back.

You were there when I was all alone travelling.

You were there when I was crying myself to sleep.

You were there when I was prepping for big days.

You held my secrets and thoughts.

You held my family’s photos and memories.

Thank you for being a trusty companion in darkest and best days.

I haven’t thought of finding a replacement and having no music on the train kills me.

I hate listening to the world in the morning.

I blame my carelessness. I hope the person who finds you enjoys my music.

It isn’t easy maintaining playlists for years.

I lost my trusty iPod Touch on a recent island trip. I was listening to it on the ferry back to Mersing (Malaysia), enjoying the sea breeze. I’m bummed and I’m punishing myself by not rushing to buy a new one. Grieving, literally.