I’m Always Pretending

Summed up my life for the last few years. I don’t even know how to open up to my friends now. I have no idea what’s my real personality. Whatever. And if I were to date someone now, it will be doomed to end for I will end up pouring all my woes and history (maybe not) out to him. I’m saving him the trouble of hating me.

Thought Catalog

I guess it all depends from your background and what you truly believe in. What you’re able to admit and what makes you ashamed, comes from the values you were raced by.

Thus, I don’t know which values I was raced by that makes me prefer one illness instead of the truth. It wasn’t my family, I would like to think. But, it was certainly society. I don’t know. I’m not here to blame, to be honest, I’m here to confess and to own up my behavior and admit that is wrong. To let it out somehow, to make it real.

I’m always pretending. Having one layer of personality on top of another. I laugh, I joke, I smile. Those who don’t know me, think I’m really easy going, but I’m not.

I hide because I’m afraid of rejection and I hide because I despise to be looked down upon…

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